A few days ago, I was on with a client making significant progress toward smoothing out the rough edges of her career, relationship, and personal life.
When we began, she consistently banged her head into the wall in every area of her life.
Relationships were challenging, job performance was up and down, she had no personal life, and her vision for the future was non-existent.
She was, in my words, being an arsonist.
However, unlike most arsonists, she was also the 911 operator, drove the fire truck to the incident scene, grabbed a hose, and put out her fire.
After a few weeks of working together, I noticed the pattern and called her out. She even surprised herself when she admitted that she was the cause of most of the issues in her life, but she didn’t know how to stop all the self-inflicted pain.
I gave her a different way of thinking about it –
What if, instead of being an arsonist, you were in charge of preventing those life-getting-in-the-way moments?
What if, instead of driving the fire truck, your job was to make sure it was ready to roll, even if it is never needed?
What if, instead of calling 911 on yourself, you decided to help other people improve their lives through your interactions?
“That sounds exciting. But how do I do it?”
There are two steps: become aware that you are causing your issues and discipline yourself to stop doing what you know is not working for you.
“Oh. Discipline. It sounds like you’re saying I need to grow up and act like an adult in charge of my own life.”
Did I say that?
I didn’t hear myself say that?
Did you hear me say that?
The very next week, we spoke on the phone, and she felt in control of her life for the first time. Yes, she was still a little shaky in her approach, but her self-confidence was returning.
She was noticing, and so were others.