When I started my first real business 20 years ago, I found myself stressed, working long hours, missing workouts, sleep, and family. I was determined to be a success – even if it killed me.
I’m not sure it would have done that, but I was a least on my way to wearing myself out since I was in my office at 2 AM on a Saturday, with a big bottle of wine.
Frankly, I was mad that day and was thinking bad things about myself. Feeling a little lost, as well, and a bladder full of wine, I stumbled to the restroom. That’s when my reflection in the mirror stopped me in my tracks.
The man looking back was not the man I was on the inside. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t mad. He was sad. Success was proving harder than he thought it would be, and he was lying to himself about why.
No. I was lying to myself.
In a surreal moment, I realized that I was questioning my commitment.
How could I get up every day and say that I was committed and yet allow myself to self-sabotage?
How could I commit to taking on a difficult challenge and complain that it was difficult?
How could I ever get what I wanted if my commitment was a big lie I was telling myself.
Either I was committed to my goals, or I wasn’t.
I looked into the eyes of the stranger in the mirror and saw a glimmer of my old self. I realized that everything I was doing was self-inflicted, and I was ready to stop blaming my challenges.
It was a moment of reckoning, and I could see my commitment returning as a sparkle emerged from my eyes, and relief appeared in my shoulders.
My inner Yoda also spoke to me –
“Succeed or do not succeed. Both are self-inflicted. There is no try. There is only commitment.”
After that, I had a very good nights sleep.